Fun Stuff

String player's motto: "It's better to be sharp than be out of tune".

How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving.
What do you call a person who plays the viola?
A violator.

Wait until well into the rehearsal before letting the conductor know you don't have the music.

Did you hear about the violist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one!
What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A viola burns longer.

How do you make a violist play downbow staccato?
Put a tenuto mark over a whole note and mark it solo.
What is a chord?
Three violin players trying to play unison.

Why don't violists play hide and seek?
Because no-one will look for them.

J.S. Bach died from 1750 to the present.

Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
"Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"

Why are orchestra intermissions only 20 minutes long?
So the string section doesn't need to be retrained.
How was the canon invented?
Two violinists were trying to play the same passage together.
What is the definition of a major seventh?
A violist playing octaves.

How can you tell if the stage is level?
The violists drool from both sides of their mouths.
What's the difference between a violin and a lawnmover?
You can tune a lawnmower.
How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A fiddle is fun to listen to.